Why cats suck:

Reasons Why Cats are Not Good Pets

• They poop in your house, oftentimes in a box, but sometimes on your desk.
• They regularly vomit.
• They will dismember any living creature, and leave it for you to find in the morning.
• They intertwine themselves in your legs at feeding time, then get pissed when you step on them.
• They do not do tricks.
• Their idea of playing is batting around a string or stringlike object (Ex. Kitesurfing SLE kite bridle).
• They have claws and will dig them into your flesh at a moment's notice.
• They are floppy.
• They constantly bump into things like door frames and your legs.
• Their breath smells terrible.
• They will attempt to sit on the computer keyboard without regard for life or limb.
• They do not like swimming.
• They are masters of sending mixed messages, like purring while biting you.
• They like to get their disgusting fur all over your black dress clothes.
• They are scared of stupid things, like plastic bags.
• They are covered with hair.
• Their tongue is covered with small spikes, having the surface texture of 40-grit sand paper.
• They go ape shit whenever they see another cat.
• They do not like The Clash. (Yes, this is True. Play the last track on Sandinista and see what happens.)
• They bury their claws into your skin when they are happy.
• They cannot catch a frisbee in their teeth.
• They believe every canned good is cat food.
• They do not like fun (Ex. moshing, surfing, motorcycle wheelies).
• They wash themselves with their own saliva.
• They do not bounce when thrown.

Naturally, my favorite reason is the last.  Test it out with your new cat though, just to make sure this list is foolproof!

Other reasons as to why cats suck:

Even more love,
Me.